Money matters have always been a sensitive subject for most of us, especially with our partner. However, managing money wisely is a crucial part in a marriage, especially when it involves other factors like children and your house mortgage. Here are several tips on how you can go through that important discussion without blowing each other's heads off.
1. Make ground rules Before the start of any discussion, do try to gently establish some ground rules. Make it a base rule that whatever happens, your relationship will not be affected.
Suggest that both of you will not play the blame game. Instead take responsibility for your mistakes. In the worst case scenario, agree to disagree. Or better yet... compromise!
Try to avoid judging each other, especially when your partner does not agree with you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, so no matter how far-fetched or bizarre his view sounds, you should be mature enough not to condemn or to make sarcastic comments.
2. Be open and honest Be honest about your personal and joint financial issues. Don’t hide any income and debt, and do speak out if you feel uncomfortable about a certain financial decision that both of you have a part in. Communicate well by not keeping your opinions to yourself although you feel strongly against it, but try suggesting a new alternative, then stating the reasons for your support. State your willingness to compromise if he agrees to consider your option.
3. Be prepared to listen. Really listen. Pay attention to what your partner is speaking. Don’t interrupt or cut in when the other person is speaking, but put in your suggestion after he is done stating his point. While he is speaking, look at him in the eye and don’t get distracted by the TV or the phone. Try to think from his point of view and find justification and reasons to why his opinion is different. You might be surprised to hear of something that you might have missed out on.
4. Be sensible Firstly you should make it clear that whatever financial decisions you make, you have to live within your means. The expenses should not exceed the combined income, and if both partners agree, to leave a portion for savings. The decisions that both of you make should always take into consideration the other people who you are both responsible for financially. Also do take into consideration how much your other partner is contributing to your family’s financial needs.
5. Keep your cool Keep the conversation calm and mature. Don’t scream or speak in high tones even when you get mad. If the discussion has reached a high point then perhaps the both of you can take some time out to calm down first before going back to the discussion. Shouting and yelling does not help anyone, instead it’ll make the other person defensive and reluctant to consider your suggestion, however reasonable it may be.
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